Thursday, November 27, 2008

Change in my personality Part 3

Even though the univeristy environment is completely different from high school and growing up, it took one special person and alot of courage to start breaking down the walls I've built up. Up to this point, I never really trusted anyone, but I realized I was very unhappy. I smiled, laughed, and appeared normal, but tha's what I've been good at doing, but deep down I dind't really feel anything.

I met someone who was matuer and I felt could offer me the support I needed. And decided one day "I WANT TO CHANGE" and chose from that moment on, give this person complete trust and not hold anything back. Him and I never worked out as a couple, but thanks to his support (and my leap of faith yo ucan say) I found the courage to trust, love, and let loose a little.

I'm not sure if others were like me. There was a poitn in my life, maybe since middle school all the way up to university that I would not cry. I managed to detach msot emotions wehther its being happy or being sad. In some ways you can't really have one without the other, and back then, I gave up both so I wouldn't be so sad. Thanks to that person, I found my emotions again, I odn'tk now if its such a good thing but I can cry and laugh now.

They say you need to be loved before you can really learn to love someone. I think that is very true. being with him taught me alot about loving someone. But here's the thing, if you're not willing to keep an open mind and learn, nothing will ever change.

Years later, I'm still changing, learning my plae, fine utning my identity, and just beginning to not feel apologetic for my existance. I always thought before thatbecause I am legally blind, I was somehow at fault, that I owed people for being around me. It's not a healthy attitude, but that's how I felt deep down. Only recently, have I started changing my perspective understanding that I deserve every bit of happiness and that if I don't fight for it, no one will. It's only a problem if you see it as a problem, so what can you do? Change the way you see having SD, know that it is a part of you but doesn't prevent you from doing anything, only YOU can stop yourself from doing anything. Let go of the fear, and fin the courage to trully live.

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