Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Change in my personality Part 2

I still remembered a friend wrote in my yearbook. "You should smile more". I guess when trying to deal everything, I becmame very serious and uptight. It is probably just an innevitable result of growing up being different.

Living with SD isn't as bad as people think. But growing up with SD isn't about learning to deal with not being able to see, it's a harsh lesson on human nature. The more you are unable to see, the more clearly you "see" people. You lose the childlike innocencce when you are forced to face reality. What I saw as a child I did not like at all, I saw meanness, selfishness, inconsiderate and self cetered attitude in others. It really exposes you to much of the darkness in this world. But on the rare occasions, you see the "saints" who wasn't like everyone else, they put others before themselves, they simply wanted to help, and to thsoe people, I am eternally grateful.

When I got to highschool, I decided to change again, I learned to laugh things off. It wasn't the best senario but compared to being serious all the time it was somewhat of an improvement. Laughing became my defense mechnism, I made jokes about everything (and sometiems even offending people) because it became how I dealt with people. For most people, high school is probably going to be the worst place unless you've got a really good group of supporting friends. There are "bullies" that enjoyed picking on those that are different so it would make any person wtih SD an easy target. Unfortuanately at this age, they are still immatue and others tend to follow along in groups. Once again I don't think there's anythign that can be done, its just kids nad humananature.

I was glad to be in University. It was a liberating feeling to be away from the immaturity. To be in a palce where intellect is appreciate and it's not about appearance anymore. I've always believed that your surrounding environment - family, friends, school, etc. are the major influence in whether a person grows up to be "normal". My definition of normality is the retention of a certain childlike innocence. But there are some cases that grow up, perhaps in a broken family, perhaps being picked on in school, betrayed by someone, all of these cases typically brings maturity to a person. The more you go through, the more mature is usually the case. In university, I found alot of mature friends, who went through hardships in their or extent, and has a much greater sympathy toward others than your average person.

To be Cont...

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