For anyone who has gone through an illness or is living with a condition such as low vision or stargardt's, emotional and psychological health is probably one of the most hidden yet impactful part of our lives. Living with stargardts is just finding a way around inconveniences, learning to cope with all the emotions as a result of society, frustrations, and self worth is a whole other can of worms.
What kind of emotions?
How about anger, frustration, self pity, hopelessness, fear, resentment, and the list goes on. Questions like "why me", "why can't I do this or be like everyone else?", "I'm never going tobe able to....", "Idon't know if i can" are all things we say to ourselves constantly. We talk ourselves out of things we like because we think we cannot do them, or will look stupid when trying, Eventually you start seeing the world as dangers rather than opportunities. You begin to hold back and not try to avoid making mistakes. But the reality is, you are living less and less because you are consumed and controlled by these emotions until you boxed yourself in.
When I was young, I remembered a blind person coming in saying he's come to a point of being happy about his condition and blindness. Til this day I still question the validity of that statement, many peoplesay they are because they want to create the image of being positive and happy. But what I can say, in my own experience, I'm learned to be much appreciate about the things I do have.
What can I do to help my child who has stargardts?
Encourage sports activity as long as they're safe physically for the child. Likely individualized sports such as swimming, running, even gynastics are all good choices. Alternatively, martial arts and even qigong/ taichi are excellent ways to help anyone balance emotions and stay grounded even when dealing with grief or loss of vision or any other kind of illments. I personally started qigong about 3 years ago and realized if I had done it earlier, I might have had an easier time working through my emotions and possibly even slowing down the vision loss. (This is abig MAYBE) But what I do knowas a fact is qigon has helped me significantly in blanacing out emotional traumas and helping me reset certain patterns whether it is confidence, anger, or grief.
Another criticalfactor that most parentsdon't realize isthe best way to helpyour child is to work on yourself andyourown emotional issues. What does it have to do with your child? Simple, the better example you can set for your kid, the more equiped theywill be themselves when dealing with emotional issues. Don'tbe the model that they should avoid, be the model that they should look up to. This is true regardless of whether your child has stargardt's or not. As a strong, emotionally balanced parent, you are much more able to help your child instead of adding more of your own worries and insecurities onto your kid.
Many people will say, "I'm good and very balance, no need to doanything" Here I'll beblunt and call you out on BS right now. We as human beings are flawed, if for any reaon you think you're good as is, thatmeans you're lying to yourself and not really willing to face your own demons If you're not willing to do that yourself, how can you set an example foryou own child?
Working on emotional issues is nevereasy. But its something worthwhile investing beause it will allow you to build up the confidence and find your self worth which will lead to success in all areas of your life from career to relationships and love.
One Last TIP - THINK POSItIVE THOUGHTS
Remember to train yourself to think about positive things. Don't let reality fool you to being a pesimist because reality is simply something based on perception. Your perception will determine waht you're able to accomplish or not, if you're able to think positively, your chances of reaching your goals are going to be much higher. So success must come from a mindset first. It's like the atheletes visualizing a win before they play a big game.
Showing posts with label psychology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label psychology. Show all posts
Saturday, April 16, 2016
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Understand yourself and how toyou can overcome Stargardts via personality types
Recently I've been reading about the BCTI personality types as part of a self discovery process. Going through this process, it made me realize that although trauma comes in many forms, different personalities may deal with it in differing methods.
Although I'm still trying to understanding how each personality affects the way we overcome our own psychological mindset. (16 types in total) As an ENFP (extroverted, intuitive, feeling, perceiver) I have an innate optimistic view that is built within my nature. In addition, it makes it much easier for me to look at this in a bigger picture sense and by contemplating questions and constant self development, I have the ability to work through coping with life with Stargardts and the associated psychological impacts it had in my life.
N types
All intuitive types have a much stronger ability to rationalize or work through their own logic/feeling and finding balance within their lives. It would be most likely be a question of when and how but not if they can or not. It is a part of the intuition characteristic to be able to rationalize and see beyond the present.
S Types,
This is a more grounded type of personality type who focuses on the present. I've yet to fully explore how this type work through their own identity and doubts that is brought on by considerations such as Stargardt's. I suspect that this group of people may need outside help and structure in order to help them cope with the damages and disappointments brought on by having Stargardt's.
One things for sure, there are different ways of being at peace with oneself. Perhaps it might be worthwhile looking at what kind of personality type you or your child are and think about how you can utilize your best traits to help you become more comfortable in your own skin.
This is also particularly helpful when trying to understand what may be your strongest characteristic and how you can use that to your advantage and utilize your best traits to help find your place in a sighted world.
Although I'm still trying to understanding how each personality affects the way we overcome our own psychological mindset. (16 types in total) As an ENFP (extroverted, intuitive, feeling, perceiver) I have an innate optimistic view that is built within my nature. In addition, it makes it much easier for me to look at this in a bigger picture sense and by contemplating questions and constant self development, I have the ability to work through coping with life with Stargardts and the associated psychological impacts it had in my life.
N types
All intuitive types have a much stronger ability to rationalize or work through their own logic/feeling and finding balance within their lives. It would be most likely be a question of when and how but not if they can or not. It is a part of the intuition characteristic to be able to rationalize and see beyond the present.
S Types,
This is a more grounded type of personality type who focuses on the present. I've yet to fully explore how this type work through their own identity and doubts that is brought on by considerations such as Stargardt's. I suspect that this group of people may need outside help and structure in order to help them cope with the damages and disappointments brought on by having Stargardt's.
One things for sure, there are different ways of being at peace with oneself. Perhaps it might be worthwhile looking at what kind of personality type you or your child are and think about how you can utilize your best traits to help you become more comfortable in your own skin.
This is also particularly helpful when trying to understand what may be your strongest characteristic and how you can use that to your advantage and utilize your best traits to help find your place in a sighted world.
Friday, December 27, 2013
How to be Happy When You're Blind or Has a Disability
Happiness is an illusive feeling that we all seek as humans. No matter age, gender, race, abled or disabled, we all want it.
PERCEPTION & GRATITUDE
One might ask, how can you be happy when you have less than others? Just as in the case of the rich man vs average man, its not about the actual number that determines how rich you are, its your perception that will be the key to happiness. Add to this a sense of gratitude, then you've got the recipe for happiness.
GRATITUDE ISN'T SOMETHING TO BE TOLD
Sounds simple right? Not quite. If you have a kid who's suffering from some sort of disability, (stargardt's or otherwise) its not as straightforward as telling them you should be grateful. If anything, you'll get the opposite effect and often trigger anger. Hearing someone privileged talking about poverty isn't the most convincing story, so the worst thing you can do is tell your child they should be grateful compared to the rest of the world. Even though this is true, that being grateful will bring happiness, it not really something that can be told. As a teenager myself and even to this day, even though I am grateful for what I do have, I really don't like it when people tell me that I SHOULD be grateful or compare others to me. For me, I feel that its almost condescending to me because when people compare, (even though its in good intent) I almost want to say to them why don't you bear the cross and see how well you deal with it. We all have to take it our own pace, and being told to be grateful is almost insulting especially coming from an outsider's perspective.
TELL THE GOOD WITH THE BAD
I think what needs to be recognized is that its not an easy process to see the light in this dark tunnel, and part of what I hated about motivational speakers is they NEVER talk about the dark side. I don't buy for a single second that there aren't bad days, but the fact that no one talks about it really takes away any credibility that the motivation speaker's content has.
TEACH THEM ABOUT CHOICE
Although gratitude can't be told, it is a choice that can be made. so empower your child to CHOOSE happiness. Just because there's a disability, doesn't mean they don't have choices, they can choose to see it as a half empty half full glass. Help them understand that although they are disabled, it doesn't mean they can't do what they want, give them the hope and of any kid. Encourage them to try things even if there may be limitations on what they can do, there's no reason why they can't do something and they should know that. Teach them to protect themselves but be open to go for their dreams.
DON'T INSTILL YOUR OWN FEARS
Kids typically don't know what the meaning of can't is until an adult tells them so. Parents often rob their children of dreams because they were too scared to pursue their own. Their own fears of failure is passed on to their kids and the child become scared of doing things. Often its not the disability that is the limiting factor but the negative beliefs that surrounds the condition which prevents the child from doing what they want. And please don't justify your own fears by saying its for their own good or you're trying to protect them.
SUPPORT & NEVER APOLOGIZE
Growing up being disabled and different, it's hard not to get picked on. The best support you can give is let the child understand they should never be apologetic for who they are. Believe in themselves and go after their dreams no matter what others say. Give them the strength to face the judgemental world. When others are ignorant, this I when your child needs to stand up for him or herself.
If you as a parent empower your child, then they will find their way and come to terms with who they are. Encourage them so not to view disability as a limiting factor but instead a factor that needs to be addressed.
Be all that you can be, and happiness will follow.
PERCEPTION & GRATITUDE
One might ask, how can you be happy when you have less than others? Just as in the case of the rich man vs average man, its not about the actual number that determines how rich you are, its your perception that will be the key to happiness. Add to this a sense of gratitude, then you've got the recipe for happiness.
GRATITUDE ISN'T SOMETHING TO BE TOLD
Sounds simple right? Not quite. If you have a kid who's suffering from some sort of disability, (stargardt's or otherwise) its not as straightforward as telling them you should be grateful. If anything, you'll get the opposite effect and often trigger anger. Hearing someone privileged talking about poverty isn't the most convincing story, so the worst thing you can do is tell your child they should be grateful compared to the rest of the world. Even though this is true, that being grateful will bring happiness, it not really something that can be told. As a teenager myself and even to this day, even though I am grateful for what I do have, I really don't like it when people tell me that I SHOULD be grateful or compare others to me. For me, I feel that its almost condescending to me because when people compare, (even though its in good intent) I almost want to say to them why don't you bear the cross and see how well you deal with it. We all have to take it our own pace, and being told to be grateful is almost insulting especially coming from an outsider's perspective.
TELL THE GOOD WITH THE BAD
I think what needs to be recognized is that its not an easy process to see the light in this dark tunnel, and part of what I hated about motivational speakers is they NEVER talk about the dark side. I don't buy for a single second that there aren't bad days, but the fact that no one talks about it really takes away any credibility that the motivation speaker's content has.
TEACH THEM ABOUT CHOICE
Although gratitude can't be told, it is a choice that can be made. so empower your child to CHOOSE happiness. Just because there's a disability, doesn't mean they don't have choices, they can choose to see it as a half empty half full glass. Help them understand that although they are disabled, it doesn't mean they can't do what they want, give them the hope and of any kid. Encourage them to try things even if there may be limitations on what they can do, there's no reason why they can't do something and they should know that. Teach them to protect themselves but be open to go for their dreams.
DON'T INSTILL YOUR OWN FEARS
Kids typically don't know what the meaning of can't is until an adult tells them so. Parents often rob their children of dreams because they were too scared to pursue their own. Their own fears of failure is passed on to their kids and the child become scared of doing things. Often its not the disability that is the limiting factor but the negative beliefs that surrounds the condition which prevents the child from doing what they want. And please don't justify your own fears by saying its for their own good or you're trying to protect them.
SUPPORT & NEVER APOLOGIZE
Growing up being disabled and different, it's hard not to get picked on. The best support you can give is let the child understand they should never be apologetic for who they are. Believe in themselves and go after their dreams no matter what others say. Give them the strength to face the judgemental world. When others are ignorant, this I when your child needs to stand up for him or herself.
If you as a parent empower your child, then they will find their way and come to terms with who they are. Encourage them so not to view disability as a limiting factor but instead a factor that needs to be addressed.
Be all that you can be, and happiness will follow.
Monday, July 22, 2013
Having Stargardts is a constant battle with your fear...
Startgardt's, like any terminal disease comes with a fear factor. The patient is constantly confronted with ideas of self doubt and insecurity. Fear is a good emotion to have, but too much fear paralyzes us in our ability to achieve. So the trick is to learn to find the balance of having and coexisting with fear.
Often we set limits on what we can do because of fear. There are things that may become dangerous and should be carried out in a cautious fashion. But most of the time, its our own fear of failure that inhibits us from carrying out what we want to do. It isn't a matter of we can't, its a matter of we won't.
But on the flip side of fear, there's limitless possibilities. Like any sighted person, a stargach potential and possibility in life. All you need to remember is that it's possible, that your dreams can be achieved. But like any possibility in life, it comes with a consequence as well, having stargardt's does often mean that it becomes harder to achieve. Anything is possible you just need to keep trying and never give up.
People will tell you otherwise, say its too hard, but nothing you put you mind to is impossible. All you need to do is believe and have persistence. All the rest will come.
This is a great speech by Les Brown. Hope you enjoy it.
Often we set limits on what we can do because of fear. There are things that may become dangerous and should be carried out in a cautious fashion. But most of the time, its our own fear of failure that inhibits us from carrying out what we want to do. It isn't a matter of we can't, its a matter of we won't.
But on the flip side of fear, there's limitless possibilities. Like any sighted person, a stargach potential and possibility in life. All you need to remember is that it's possible, that your dreams can be achieved. But like any possibility in life, it comes with a consequence as well, having stargardt's does often mean that it becomes harder to achieve. Anything is possible you just need to keep trying and never give up.
People will tell you otherwise, say its too hard, but nothing you put you mind to is impossible. All you need to do is believe and have persistence. All the rest will come.
This is a great speech by Les Brown. Hope you enjoy it.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
After 20 years of Stargardts and Self discovery
Yesterday was my 30th birthday. The importance is not so much in the number but where my mind is at. Over the 20+ years having stargardts my life has been a complete emotional roller coaster. Growing up hating the world I was born into, to learning to forgive and accept who I am, to growing into who I am and just being happy for what I have. If you really look, my sight has only gotten worst from compared to before, yet learning to shift my thought patterns and mentality has turned my life around.
First 10 Years
The first 10 years of my life, I was blissfully ignorant to what I would have to face in the rest of my life - Stargardt's disease. I grew up like any other child, unaware that I would soon become legally blind.
The next 10 years
My teen years, its not something I would ever wish upon any child. Growing up being different is a lonely path and kids are ignorant to other's feelings. Being visually impaired in a sighted world especially going to school will mean they will face bullying and harassment, come face to face with what may be the worst in human nature.
Looking too normal means everyone will pick on you for being different. But nothing is as bad as trying to survive a constant questioning of self worth, self doubt, and a bunch of other negative feelings and possibly hatred towards the world. It's almost impossible for a child in their teens to understand what possible reasons there could be for this (stargardts) to happen to them. I remember asking myself what I have done to "deserve" being visually impaired.
I spent most of my teens trying to protect everyone around the me from the darkness I felt. I learned to lock the darkness deep within and built fortified walls around it to keep it from escaping. I learned to mimic smiles, to fit in, to do everything in my power to forget the pain. I learned to not care just so I can get by. I couldn't bring myself to hurting myself because I felt it would cause too much pain on my family. So I did the one thing I knew how, packed everything up and lock it deep within.
The past 10 years
I realized being numb to the world is no life to live. I didn't have any strong feelings of happiness or sadness. I realized I didn't want to live life being like the walking dead. So I made a choice, took a leap of faith, I picked someone and choose to open myself up without holding back. It was the first time I exposed myself, first time being truly vulnerable, first time being free. In some sense, I was lucky, if I had trusted someone who didn't accept me for who I am, perhaps I would have gone back into my shell and continued to numb myself.
Learning to trust was difficult, learning self worth and value was a work in progress. But making a conscious decision not to continue the life I had was what turned things around. In that relationship, I loved, lost and learned to let myself open up little by little.
Taking what I had learned, I wanted to help others. I ended up trying to help a lost soul almost in a way to make up for what I didn't have. And years gone by only to realize,I can't change my past, no matter how much I try to help others. Bu realizing you can only help those who wants to be helped.
And finally, this past 3 years, I've tried to zoom into myself. Understanding values, understanding vision. I learned that perspectives will make or break a person. Finding self value and remembering your dreams should be part of your life. The key to liberation lies in gratitude. The ability to see the world in a different way and mentally making the choice to believe will be the critical factor about any one person to succeed.
First 10 Years
The first 10 years of my life, I was blissfully ignorant to what I would have to face in the rest of my life - Stargardt's disease. I grew up like any other child, unaware that I would soon become legally blind.
The next 10 years
My teen years, its not something I would ever wish upon any child. Growing up being different is a lonely path and kids are ignorant to other's feelings. Being visually impaired in a sighted world especially going to school will mean they will face bullying and harassment, come face to face with what may be the worst in human nature.
Looking too normal means everyone will pick on you for being different. But nothing is as bad as trying to survive a constant questioning of self worth, self doubt, and a bunch of other negative feelings and possibly hatred towards the world. It's almost impossible for a child in their teens to understand what possible reasons there could be for this (stargardts) to happen to them. I remember asking myself what I have done to "deserve" being visually impaired.
I spent most of my teens trying to protect everyone around the me from the darkness I felt. I learned to lock the darkness deep within and built fortified walls around it to keep it from escaping. I learned to mimic smiles, to fit in, to do everything in my power to forget the pain. I learned to not care just so I can get by. I couldn't bring myself to hurting myself because I felt it would cause too much pain on my family. So I did the one thing I knew how, packed everything up and lock it deep within.
The past 10 years
I realized being numb to the world is no life to live. I didn't have any strong feelings of happiness or sadness. I realized I didn't want to live life being like the walking dead. So I made a choice, took a leap of faith, I picked someone and choose to open myself up without holding back. It was the first time I exposed myself, first time being truly vulnerable, first time being free. In some sense, I was lucky, if I had trusted someone who didn't accept me for who I am, perhaps I would have gone back into my shell and continued to numb myself.
Learning to trust was difficult, learning self worth and value was a work in progress. But making a conscious decision not to continue the life I had was what turned things around. In that relationship, I loved, lost and learned to let myself open up little by little.
Taking what I had learned, I wanted to help others. I ended up trying to help a lost soul almost in a way to make up for what I didn't have. And years gone by only to realize,I can't change my past, no matter how much I try to help others. Bu realizing you can only help those who wants to be helped.
And finally, this past 3 years, I've tried to zoom into myself. Understanding values, understanding vision. I learned that perspectives will make or break a person. Finding self value and remembering your dreams should be part of your life. The key to liberation lies in gratitude. The ability to see the world in a different way and mentally making the choice to believe will be the critical factor about any one person to succeed.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Your Future: job stability and security
Growing up in a traditional white collar family, I was taught to look for security above all else. Traditional Asians think being a doctor, engineer, government worker or banker/acountant are the idea and secure ways to live your life and making a living. My parents simply hope I would get a job and settle for the rest of my life.
Except I beg to differ.
Settling only makes them happy but to me its torture. I hate inefficiencies, I hate lack of creativity， I hate stupidity and mundane work, and I can't bring myself to become one of those people who can't wait until the weekend because they hate their job and can't wait to retire or quit.
THERE'S NO REASON WHY YOU CAN'T DO WAHT YOU LOVE!
I always believe in the fact that if you are doing something you love, you will find a way to make money. There's no reason why you have to settle even if you are visually impaired. Being successful has nothing to do with physical disability but has everything to do with your mental attitude. If you feel you can't, then you will never achieve what it is you want. If anything, being visually impaired helps you cope with the hardships you face when chasing a dream.
I've failed many times. Been rejected from jobs, and even put down by people of position. But all of that has made me a stronger person, a smarter thinker, and a committed lifelong learner.
As parents or family members, please don't force your kid of loved ones to settle for anything less than their real dreams. It's not going to be an easy road, but what they need is not discouragement and your fears. Believe it or not, your fears will transfer into their behaviours, your doubt and disbelief in their abilities will become the foundation of their self doubt.
I've spent 20 years trying to un-lesrn all the education taught to me from people who fear their own future. If anything, it takes so much more energy to erase those negative thoughts than to just simply follow you dreams.
If you are a parent, encourage your kids passion. Help them achieve their dreams, and believe in them like you would want them to believe in themselves. Installing your fears will hinder their true potential. After all, do you really want to be the people who made them unhappy? Who was the one that influenced them to give up on life and dreams?
Life is more than just about settling. So security and safety will come if you're in something you love to do. All you need to do is believe.
Except I beg to differ.
Settling only makes them happy but to me its torture. I hate inefficiencies, I hate lack of creativity， I hate stupidity and mundane work, and I can't bring myself to become one of those people who can't wait until the weekend because they hate their job and can't wait to retire or quit.
THERE'S NO REASON WHY YOU CAN'T DO WAHT YOU LOVE!
I always believe in the fact that if you are doing something you love, you will find a way to make money. There's no reason why you have to settle even if you are visually impaired. Being successful has nothing to do with physical disability but has everything to do with your mental attitude. If you feel you can't, then you will never achieve what it is you want. If anything, being visually impaired helps you cope with the hardships you face when chasing a dream.
I've failed many times. Been rejected from jobs, and even put down by people of position. But all of that has made me a stronger person, a smarter thinker, and a committed lifelong learner.
As parents or family members, please don't force your kid of loved ones to settle for anything less than their real dreams. It's not going to be an easy road, but what they need is not discouragement and your fears. Believe it or not, your fears will transfer into their behaviours, your doubt and disbelief in their abilities will become the foundation of their self doubt.
I've spent 20 years trying to un-lesrn all the education taught to me from people who fear their own future. If anything, it takes so much more energy to erase those negative thoughts than to just simply follow you dreams.
If you are a parent, encourage your kids passion. Help them achieve their dreams, and believe in them like you would want them to believe in themselves. Installing your fears will hinder their true potential. After all, do you really want to be the people who made them unhappy? Who was the one that influenced them to give up on life and dreams?
Life is more than just about settling. So security and safety will come if you're in something you love to do. All you need to do is believe.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Different ways of overcoming obstacles
Recently, I've come accross an interesting type of psycho analysis called "Enneagram Personality." This types of psycho analysis helps to classify people into 9 different personalities under 3 major groups. Once you determine your specific type of personality, it helps you better understand and analyze how you deal with problems.
Whether it is Stargardt's or any other condition, there's always a process of acceptance and struggles that one has to go through. This type of psycho analysis may help you better understand how you can deal with your problems, and also what kind of obstacles you may have.
This is especially important when it comes to helping you find a better way of interacting with your children. If you are able to understand your own personality and their personality, then you can find a way of deducing their troubles and train of thoughts. It also can assist you to find a better solution for you to support them in their journey of overcoming the mental struggles that is associated with growing up or accepting this disease.
I once said that for me, overcomingStargardt's is like learning to face death, it's not just a physical limitation on the eyes, the physical limitations are only the tip of the iceberg. Stargardt's changes people, sometime for the better, but sometimes it drive people into dark corners of their mind.
I've heard of cases where Stargardt's patients push themselves in trying to prove that they are better, their spend their lives trying to show the world their worth, often, you see much "success" in terms of social accomplishments, but I wonder, when all is done and said, are they really happy with who they are?
There's always different ways of approaching the same problem, different personalities is like changing the formula hence you need a different answer, there's no right or wrong, because it's a learning process.
Whether it is Stargardt's or any other condition, there's always a process of acceptance and struggles that one has to go through. This type of psycho analysis may help you better understand how you can deal with your problems, and also what kind of obstacles you may have.
This is especially important when it comes to helping you find a better way of interacting with your children. If you are able to understand your own personality and their personality, then you can find a way of deducing their troubles and train of thoughts. It also can assist you to find a better solution for you to support them in their journey of overcoming the mental struggles that is associated with growing up or accepting this disease.
I once said that for me, overcomingStargardt's is like learning to face death, it's not just a physical limitation on the eyes, the physical limitations are only the tip of the iceberg. Stargardt's changes people, sometime for the better, but sometimes it drive people into dark corners of their mind.
I've heard of cases where Stargardt's patients push themselves in trying to prove that they are better, their spend their lives trying to show the world their worth, often, you see much "success" in terms of social accomplishments, but I wonder, when all is done and said, are they really happy with who they are?
There's always different ways of approaching the same problem, different personalities is like changing the formula hence you need a different answer, there's no right or wrong, because it's a learning process.
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